Weight Loss & Self Esteem

After receiving several compliment in the past week or two about my appearance and figure, I have come to the conclusion that I may not be seeing myself accurately.

I see a chubby, shapeless figure with breasts (fabulous ones at that!) and curves. Somehow what I am seeing is not what others see when they look at me and this is leaving me a bit puzzled.

I've read articles about anorexics who see themselves as fat when they are really stick figures.
I'm not one of them.
I am fat!

So these compliments are confusing me because now I'm not sure what the truth is. Jumping on the scale is pointless because muscle weighs more than fat.
Everyone knows that.

I've been on my feet so much lately it's possible that I am trimming down but I don't think it's very likely. ...even though my clothes feel looser on me than they did a few months ago.

I wish I could just grab someone who knows me and ask for the absolute truth.
No holding back to protect my feelings.....just the truth!

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I almost joined a gym.
After speaking to the manager about the program I'm interested in, and providing her with more detailed information about my fat content and body mass index numbers, I changed my mind.

She was aware from the beginning that our training is similar and her job would be to motivate me to begin and continue with the program. We discussed this at length and in great detail so it was to my surprise and horror, when I received a phone call last week from her assistant offering me a membership at half price.

Seems Judy lead her to believe the reason I didn't go ahead with the membership was financial. I could have used some lessons in self control at this point, before I blurted several things at her......one of which was "oh my gawwwwwd, Judy thinks I'm a liar", followed by many other things including what I had told Judy initially......"you can't motivate me enough to keep me coming in and quite frankly, your reminder phone calls when I miss a session, are not a challenge for me to get around"

Which part of any of that......sounds like a financial situation?

The club is one for females only......I'm not going to identify it here (although I think I just did). It's a place where I have had three memberships in the past. Once when I was a fitness fanatic, again as a fitness fanatic who couldn't stop working out and finally the last one as a fitness fanatic who didn't think I would ever gain weight and NEED a membership.

This was also the only gym I have ever belonged to where the fitness trainers (females) told me I should reduce the size of my breasts - none of the other clubs I belonged to ever did that....

So to the jealous bozo biatchees at the club for females only I have few words and can speak them in one small sentence....."bite me bozo!"